Pregnancy is HEAVY

When I re-started my blog, I thought it would be filled with witty anecdotes

and jokes about the joys of pregnancy and the wacky things people tell you.

But what I have discovered is that pregnancy is heavy.

Of course, literally, but emotionally too.

I'm tearing up as I write this b/c every emotion is on the surface during pregnancy.

Everything brings that sting to your eyes, and this is the one time in life where it's OK

"because you're pregnant."

I cried during worship a week ago. And then the offering song came on,

"Great I Am", and Matt & I looked at each other knowingly

b/c we LOVE that song, and I cried all over again.

And then our speaker was a severely wounded Vietnam vet whose grenade he was holding 

6" from his face was shot by a sniper and exploded all over his body.

And I cried for the next half hour.

And then we went up to pray with people, and for some reason,

that ALWAYS makes me cry.

Even before I was pregnant.

Something about the humility of ME standing in front of thousands of people and

offering to bring their requests to our loving Father who hears and cares

is so emotional for me. I just warn everyone who comes to me that I'll start crying

even if they're just praying for a hangnail to go away.

But this Sunday was different b/c after I finished praying for others,

Matt & I went to receive prayer ourselves.

One of the amazing things about being a member of the same church for 26 years 

is that you can have a 2nd grade teacher be on the prayer team,

and you can ask for prayer while your husband and you are struggling through

the process called "trying to conceive",

and then you can go to that same prayer warrior thanking the Lord that He heard your prayers,

and then, once again, you can go to that same teacher to lift up a dear

cousin who had just suffered a miscarriage.

Because before that emotional Sunday, there was a very emotional Saturday.

I have hundreds of cousins but only one near my age whom I'm very close to.

And although she got married two years after me, she was going to have a baby at the same time as me!

Only a few weeks after actually,

and I was THRILLED!!

Sure it was completely unplanned on their part, but our kids were going to grow up together!

We would text each other complaints and symptoms...

and then she lost the baby that Saturday morning, and in the midst of our garage sale,

Matt & I held each other and cried. 

Cried at the loss of life, of plans, of hope.

Cried because it could so easily happen to us.

And Sunday morning, as I got ready for church, we cried together some more.

So Sunday morning, as we lifted up sweet words of praise to our Lord,

I wept. As we sang how great our God was, I wept.

I love the soft heart I have right now.

My sister-in-laws often joke that my Mom & I are NOT the criers but we married men who are.

Yet another way the Lord is changing me while carrying this sweet baby.