Screeching Devil

Music and worship has really been on my mind and heart this week.

It started Sunday when Pastor Toti talked about how powerful it is to sing out loud.

Even if it's in your car, sing at the top of your lungs to your favorite worship songs.

Matt heard a quote that said "it's like nails down a chalk board to the Devil when we sing praise songs. It makes him screech out loud."

I love the idea of that! And I love to sing!

On that note, I was listeneing to Air1 on Monday and heard a song that was new to me.

I instantly pulled out my phone and "Shazaamed" it.

(For those of you who who are unawares of the Shazaam app, it is glorious and allows you

to put your phone up to your radio when you don't know a song and it tells you all the info about it!)

So, my phone told me that it was a song called "Dead Come to Life"

by Jonathan Thulin feat. Charmaine.

Well, that got me to looking him up when I was at home.

I had Matt listen to the song first, so he wanted to hear more after that.

I looked him up on You Tube and found this video:

(The beginning is a little strange but hang in there.)

So, I would've been sobbing while watching this if my husband wasn't right next to me and would've suspected that I had officially become emotionally unhinged.

(Maybe it has to do with my breakdown over watching So You Think You Can Dance and expressing to Matt that I DESPERATELY wanted to start dance lessons, and him saying "we'll look into it".)

I don't know why it spoke to me so much.

I think it was just recognizing how very shallow I am, and how much weight I put on the fleeting things of life.

On Tuesday, I pomptly purchased The White Room album by Jonathan Thulin

and had to purchase, seperately this "Babylon" song.

It has been blaring at work, in my car, and at my home since.

I LOVE FINDING NEW MUSIC!

And I especially love that this is a Christian artist.

For a long time, I wouldn't listen to Christian radio.

I just couldn't stand the music and the DJs, and the setup,

but I began listening to Air1 again several months ago, and let me tell you,

it has completely changed since the last time I listened to it!

The DJs are hilarious and real and the music is recent and uplifting.

It makes a noticeable difference in my day when I'm filling my head

with praise music than with music about girls and sex.

(B/c let's face it, that's pretty much all that secular music is about.)

So, start singing out loud,

and buy Thulin's album!

PEACE!

Sundae Dreams

"I want to be a cheerleader when I grow up! A cheerleader and a teacher, and after I get married, my husband and I will be missionaries."

Flowers at my home!

Well, one of those dreams came true.

This was the answer I gave people when I was young.

And yes, I was a cheerleader all through elementary and high school 

(winning two national championships if I might toot my own horn),

but, thankfully, the Lord taught me early on that I don't have the patience to teach.

He also showed me that my calling was not overseas missions either.

I figured we were all supposed to become missionaries at some point in our Christian lives.

After 4 months with YWAM in Hawaii & China, I came home and realized that experience was great

but also, that wasn't what I was called to.

(Oddly enough, I was voted "Most Likely to Become a Missionary" in high school.)

My summer back porch!

Thankfully, I met a man who was on his way to enroll in seminary one day when a friend told him,

 "Not everyone is called to overseas missions. We need missionaries in the work place too."

That prompted my future husband to attend law school instead.

And while I believe Matt would be a great pastor, he is also an excellent attorney!

(And I had always prayed fervently to the Lord that I wouldn't marry a pastor or a soldier.)

Isn't that horrible?! Two of the most noble professions!

But, I strongly believe that just as not everyone is called to be a pastor or soldier,

not every woman is equipped to marry a pastor or soldier.

It is a high calling indeed.

So, now that I am older and married, I've suddenly bagan asking myself, "What ARE my dreams?"

Your dreams are so extravagant and tangible when you're young.

Then you realize QUICKLY that the bills aren't paid by dreams alone.

And many of us opt for the more practical route.

For me, that was working in our family business.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am HIGHLY blessed in my position at our business,

but I also remember a time when I said I would NEVER work at Dave's Roofing after college.

I've realized over the years how rare it is to have a thriving family business where you can work with your family, get along, and still hang out together on the weekends.

And the perks don't hurt either!

And as I've been asking myself that dream question, I've become quite devastated b/c 

I don't remember what my dreams are anymore!

Lady Belle!

I don't even know what I'm passionate about.

Isn't that horrible?!

So, I will compile a list of things I currently enjoy doing. Offer that list to the Lord.

And you know what? I'll probably be back here in a couple months revealing how the Lord has used one of my favorite pasttimes to further His kingdom and bring more fuilfillment and joy to my own life.

B/c that's how awesome our God is.

And that's what He does.

-Water coloring

-Gardening

-Working out

-Organizing

-Tanning

-Traveling

-Reading-Shopping-Decorating

And just as a cherry on the sundae, here is an incredible video that ALL women should see!

Intentionality is Now a Word

Work Buddy #1 yesterday!

I remember when I was engaged, I made a pact with myself that I would be very intentional with my time.

My engagement was only 4 short months, so as soon as I got back home from the lake

the weekend after Matt proposed, I downloaded the LoseIt! app.

I was SO dedicated to inputting my calories in and calories out and was able to drop 10

pounds quite quickly.

I also made sure to spend time with the Lord regularly trying to prepare myself for this event

I had anticipated all my life.

I included my bridesmaids and close friends in my big wedding planning decisions so they could

feel my excitement and really be a part of it instead of just showing up the day of.

Matt & I met with the Brewers every week for pre-marital counseling going over

big issues and little annoyances within our relationship and trying to prepare ourselves for how amplified those issues would become in our marriage.

Work buddy #2 yesterday!

I distinctly remember six weeks out from the wedding taking Mr. Darcy to the park by Covenant

and praying and praying and thinking and thinking about what was coming.

I spent a long time calming myself, and going over details that still needed to happen,

and really embracing the fact that I would be a married woman in six short weeks.

Of course, at that time, it seemed like 6 weeks was FOREVER, but as it always does, 

it passed by in a flash.

I'm very grateful for how intentional I was during those four months.

I feel like I truly embraced my engagement and soaked it in.

Right now, I'm doing the same thing, but I'm soaking in more substantial lessons.

I'm journaling a lot about things I'm learning daily.

I'm consistent in reading my Proverbs 31 e-mail devotions and thinking about them throughout the day.

I'm consistent in my workouts.

I'm asking the Lord what I'm supposed to be learning from this.

And the most amazing thing has happened.

I'm not worrying anymore. I feel like for the first time in my life I understand why the Lord refers to it as the "Peace that Passes all Understanding."

I was just talking to the Lord about it yesterday and then my dear friend in the evening,

and I kept saying, "I don't know if I'm just not dealing with things or if this is really from the Lord."

She said, "If you've been asking for this peace, then it's probably from the Lord."

Why was I so quick to dismiss it being divine?

Oh yeah, because I don't deserve it!

Not even in the least!

I recall all the hurtful things I've said lately and all the fits I've thrown,

and yet the Lord has granted me sweet reprieve from the overwhelming anxiety that plagued me last week.

What a sweet Lord we serve.

Giving to us what we don't deserve. The true meaning of grace.

On a side note, enjoy this sweet video I saw yesterday:

Sometimes you Just Gotta Go Shopping

What a perfectly wonderful weekend to get my mind out of the funk!

My cousin, Cynthia, had a fashion show at the Dallas Market Friday,

so my aunt Lisa invited Mom & I to join her and her 3 girls for a Girls Weekend!

Cynthia only made the one garment and really didn't think it would "walk" b/c she had made it out

of denim and that is rarely a theme in this fashion show.

The themes are pre-determined by the show committe.

Well, lo & behold, denim WAS a theme, and my darling cousin's

dress was picked out of thousands to be one of 200 to walk the runway.

And why wouldn't it be?! She had made it from her father's old work jeans!

I was so proud of her!

For lunch, my cousins, Angelique & Katrina, picked a lovely little coffee shop called

Ascension Coffee where we enjoyed freshly brewed tea, paninis, bread pudding & creme brulee.

Then for dinner, they picked a swanky little joint called Meddlseome Moth. 

We got to enjoy the warm weather outside while they ordered horrid tapas

like elk, boar, and rabbit...(they send they enjoyed them)

I had the roasted chicken and some delightful apple cider.

We decided that although our bellies were already popping, we wanted dessert.

We drove around downtown until Lisa pulled into El Fenix.

What a find she found!

We ordered chocolate & caramel sopapillas the size of a dinner plate, strawberry sopapillas,

and lemon cake while the servers sang Happy Birthday to our "panchitas", Katrina & Angelique.

The next day was my birthday, and I was greeted downstairs in the breakfast hall

with a chorus of "HAPPY BIRTHDAYs" from my crew.

We traveled on to southlake Town Square from there and enjoyed

a beautiful day of shopping and eating at Brio & Jamba Juice.

Then, it was time to get dressed up for my b-day dinner at Pappasito's.

 

On the way home, we stopped for more shopping and to tour the Ft. Worth Botanical Gardens.

The flowers weren't in full bloom yet,     but the walk was lovely and relaxing.

So, for a few days, I was able to regroup and remember that this isn't the end of the world. Matt & I will get through this. And that I have a wonderful family.

My swanky new glasses.

Sam Moon's

Kisses to my hubby

My Big Girl Panties Have Strawberry Shortcake on Them

I was sitting in there thinking to myself, "I cant handle this. I'm not big enough to handle this."

All I could think about was wanting my Mom or Dad or brothers there beside me to take over.

To be on my side, to hold me and shelter me from the harsh words flying around the room. 

I covered my face and tried to block it out crying and crying, wishing my tears to stop the torment.

I finally reached the point where running seemed like the best option, so I did.

I ran out of that place to the nearest home where a friend lived.

And then I woke up.

If only I had. I didn't wake up from this one. This was a real-life "put my big girl panties on" kind of moment.

I wondered how long it would take before I hit one of these moments.

I wondered how I would react.

And, honestly, I've surprised myself.

I haven't gone running to Mommy & Daddy (although God knows I've wanted to.)

I haven't spilled my guts to everyone's who's been asking, not for a lack of opportunity.

But I've done a lot of drive praying/crying.

And no, I do not recommend drive crying, but when that's really the only place you have alone, 

that's where it happens.

That's where the Lord hears my fears and my arguments and my self-righteousness.

That's where He reveals to me the next course of action.

That's where the tears can flow but be dried before anyone knows they fell.

And He has slowly brought intense truth.

Like the time I was telling him how betrayed I felt. 

How I had given my ALL.

How hurt I was that I had been passed on for something better.

And it hit me.

HARD.

I know how you feel.

I gave my all, my Son, for you.

And every time you choose to find confidence in something else, 

you betray the greatest gift I gave to you.

I'm afraid this hasn't been a happy, go-lucky kind of blog today.

I'm not a good liar, so there's no point in trying.

But sometimes we need real truth.

Not the "it'll all work out, keep your head up" kind of truth,

but the "this completely changes how I think of my Lord" kind of truth.

The Hairless Heart

My personality type doesn't recognize April Fool's Day.

The only pranks I can remember pulling was in 4th grade.

Me and a couple friends decided it was a novel idea to turn the class clock forward to 3 PM even though it was only 10 AM. To this day, I still wonder why none of us were smart enough to just set it forward 10 minutes instead of a full five hours.

Perhaps, it was because we were 4th graders.

And the other prank was the typical chalk in the grooves of the felt eraser.

That one didn't pan out so well either. 

I guess when you've been a teacher for 15 years, you've already seen that one.

I will say I had never seen the one my husband pulled on me Monday night.

He came into our office during a pivotal and emotional point in Downton Abbey, 

but I paused it since he was acting funny.

He sat down beside me and asked a question I never want to hear from him again,

"What do you think about me getting hair plugs?"

Of course, I instantly started laughing KNOWING this was a prank.

He acted like he didn't know why I was laughing, and tried to be all serious about it.

He went on and on saying how we always admire our guy friend with longish, flowy hair and how he'll never be able to fix his hair ever again, and how he misses it.

"You know, they can pull it from any part of you body."

And in true Superman style, I look up to this.

 If only this was the end of it. I do believe the next chapter is worse.

So, he yells, "April Fool's!"

He was quite infatuated with how smooth it was in that hairless heart.

Hadn't he seen Seinfeld where Kramer says it grows back 10 times thicker when you shave it!

The next morning I glanced at him and saw a shaved chest.

I thought, "Thank goodness he got rid of that atrocity!"

But, no, he had created a worse one.

At least it's not dull at our house...

When the Music Plays in the Background

Yes, it has been seven months since I've last posted. Blogging is an interesting thing. While I often have lots to say, I constantly contradict myself in deciding whether or not to post it. Sometimes it's too personal, or I'm afraid the person I'm referring to will read this post, or that no one will relate to what I'm saying and my followers will slowly whither away to nothingness. But I recently had a dear friend ask why I wasn't blogging anymore and that she missed my posts. 

She actually missed me! 

And that feeling of being missed is what every human truly desires most. To be accepted and loved and taken for who we really are. Selfishness and rudeness and dirtiness all wrapped into this imperfect human body. And I decided to start posting again. Because I may not be able to make a huge difference in this big 'ole crazy world, but I can write this one post, this one day, and reach out to somebody. 

If that's all I do, I'll at least do that.

Matt & I went to Richardson (north of Dallas) this weekend for his annual birthday weekend at Mama D's (his momma). We were very much looking forward to this trip, but on his birthday (OF ALL DAYS!!!), we shared in a not-so-enjoyable event. I know your curiosity is absolutely attacking you with an overwhelming desire to know SO BADLY what that event was.

But you won't know.

So...that's it.

It was bad.

So, we're driving to Dallas with a cloud of doubt and frustration and hurt raining on us the whole way. and this is where I interject how very, immensely glad I am to the Lord for giving me a husband who doesn't pout and cross his arms and stamp his foot and stick out his bottom lip like I do. B/c while I am the maturest of ladies in most areas, I can throw a mean hissy fit and hold a grudge for entirely too long. 

(I'm working on it. I think.)

B/c while I was expressing all my plethora of frustrations, Matt was sticking up for those whom had hurt him. At one point I yelled, "Would you just let me defend you without taking the other side?!"

But eventually his optimism rubbed off on me, and we ended up having a really splendid weekend.

Mama D & I shopped at every Ross & Marshall's in the 20-mile radius surrounding her home, we all ate some amazingly unhealthy, delicious food, we slept in every day, and we watched our Shih-Tzu try all weekend to catch Mama D's weiner dog's tail with her teeth.

And then while packing to go home, I wanted to throw another one of my infamous fits b/c I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to face the awkwardness and discomfort that awaited us at home. I didn't want to put my big girl pants on and "suck it up". 

(And here's where the inspirational music builds) Because I began thinking of the single mother with two little kids that we'd just visited who was going through a divorce and how much she probably didn't want to return home after a vacation either, but how she no longer had a husband to support her. And how strong she had to be for her kids. (And then the music got louder) as we were passing a cemetery outside of Dallas on Easter Sunday b/c there I saw an old gentleman get out of his truck and walk towards a grave site with pink flowers in his hand. And suddenly the music crescendoed and I realized how very trivial our situation was. and I thanked the Holy Spirit for the swift kick in the backside he was giving to me.

 It's a very amateur lesson to learn, but for every instance where you feel you have it really bad, there's always someone who has it worse.

"Here's to all the walking wounded."